For a while I was idle. No, I was silent in obedience to God, who asked me to prioritise Him before myself. Writing about Him is not the same as living a message and writing about that. In the past few weeks, while on sabbatical from writing, I have encountered a number of situations that I deemed writable, but this one was God showing me His grace, unfolding it inside my man-made box, ripping it to pieces.
This clay tablet is raised as a victory banner high, not only to glorify God, but to remind myself that God has completed the restoration, and when the liar come again, I will know to run to this tablet, as a meeting place with my Protector. I have found that being accountable in writing my redemption story to you, I am establishing victory altars, like the one Moses commissioned after the victory over the Amalekites – calling it the Lord is my banner (Exodus 17).
Be careful with newfound knowledge. Let it be tasted before one determine how to apply it. The difference between knowledge and wisdom, as the old Irish saying goes; ‘knowledge is to know that a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is knowing not to use it in a fruit salad.’
One morning after an early start in God’s word and praying for revelation, I received something incredible. It was like finding a puzzle piece, while building alone on one of those 3000-piece puzzles, after you have been searching way too long for it. But you persevered and the ‘you little devil, I’ve found you’ moment make all the effort worth-it. I have heard golf players also have a similar phenomenon, or maybe it is just me.
With this new ‘puzzle piece’ in hand I went to ‘Vroulief’, who is the true ‘puzzle-piecer’ in our family. So, I laid it upon her like a brick, going all self-righteously – ‘you remember that discussion we had about no-condemnation, well listen to this scripture’. I read it to her in 3 or 4 different translations, wanting her to see what I am seeing, to experience what I have experienced, to see beyond the vale and be astounded as I was astonished. Her reply, “Just be careful when you explain this to others, it may confuse them”.
‘Oh, my word, woman’ I though, not even Vroulief anymore. I started arguing in an attempt to convince her with words, how she needed to see what God has shown me. The more I tried, the more she explained that I just need to be careful. We ended our prayers and I thanked God that he has chosen me above others to be endowed with heavenly wisdom.
When we completed our morning prep to get to work, a sliver of dawning came upon me, and I could at least realise that I had approach our previous conversation in the wrong way. The Spirit led me to a confession. I could admit that she was right and that I should listen to her advice. She kissed me and I set off to work. [yes, the new job, that God has hand-picked for me]
On the road I continued to listen to an audiobook, Mere Christianity – by CS Lewis. A must-read for every person. The traffic was normal, until something grotesque happened on a stretch of road, that I know is treacherous for slow moving vehicles keeping to the left and wee bit faster vehicles keeping to right. I was speeding along at a calculated fraction above the speed-limit, still revelation-high from the morning, when a wee bit faster vehicle who was miraculously keeping to the left, veered into the fast lane, to pass another slow-moving vehicle. I jammed the brakes and tapped my head, communicate with the driver in the universal language for ‘what are you doing?’
This unique driver decided to be true to his nature, as a wee bit faster driver, and stay in the fast lane. I started tapping my head more, showing him where he needed to move to. But this specimen, yet true to his nature, kept on carting along, passing other slow vehicles, making it impossible for me to pass even via the slow lane.
This situation raised my F-meter to purple and I started honking, demanding him out of the way, waving my hand as if I am Harry Potter, but nothing magical happened. I believe, even though I know about the nature of the wee bit faster vehicles, that he was not moving out the way just to spite me. Not even my newfound revelation, which, by the way, was – 2 Cor 5:17. Yes, while I was reacting in such a “mature” way I forgot the piece of knowledge that God has shown me. That I am a new creation and the old things have passed. Big sigh.
I went so far, forgetting that morning’s great message, and passed the truck on the outside with a one-finger greeting in the process, just to show him how angry I am. He did not even flinch and true to his nature continued in the fast lane.
As I got up to speed again, a thought reminded me of the revelation of that morning and that I have failed in my calling as a new creation. It felt like I was not good enough because of what just happened. ‘That is not how God’s children behave’ I believed and felt ashamed. In that moment I chose to accept the lie about me not being good enough and it took me to an ugly wickedness, called pride. In that ugly moment I blamed God for my unworthy feeling and reacted angrily at God, by shouting out loud to Him, ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT OF ME?’. The spirit just convinced me of my wrong behaviour and instead of accepting it with grace, I chose to react with indignation. Just like a child who was caught wanting would react if they felt the demands on him or her were unattainable.
I can still remember how I smacked my leg when I said those words. It felt bad to the core. I have sinned, after having such a wonderful morning. One could say that God tested me in that situation, BUT I know now, that a feeling of failure already slithered into my mind earlier that morning when I could not connect my wife to my newfound knowledge and expose the significance of already being made new in Christ. I could not arm-wrestle her to my point of view, and this just repeated, when I could not make the truck driver to behave like a Christian.
I started praying right there in the car, although a bit bruised, physically, and emotionally. Always pray when you are emotional – it truly helps me to switch from my ‘emotional brain’ to my ‘thinking brain’. God did not give me an answer on what happened that morning but calmed me with promises I remember from scripture. The day passed quickly, more quickly than sitting in my Wendy house writing.
The revelation and wisdom came that same afternoon on my way back from work on that same highway in the other direction. Driving along, I came in an almost similar situation, but in this case, I passed a slower vehicle that was driving in the fast lane, not seeing that this vehicle was passing another slower car. So, when I got into the slow lane and this car was in front of me, I decided to give it all the gas, attempting to pass in time to return to the fast lane. I misjudged my little Mazda’s power and ended up almost underneath the other car in the slow lane. Without anger I started to slow down to allow the other car to pass me again so I could eat my humble pie and fall in behind him again.
But without trying my selfish “tricks”, like that morning, to make the car that was in front of me to get out of my way, it suddenly moved onto the shoulder of the road, allowing me to pass between them. The penny dropped. My fruit-salad just got deconstructed and I could use my newfound ‘tomato’ in context. I realised, and am still absorbing the knowledge, that I cannot make people change, even if I show them my own revelation.
ONLY IN CHRIST, are we new creatures. Be Christ to people and the Spirit will change them.
